Stop squirming, there – have you no self respect? Just lean back into the straps, bite down – HARD! – on this leather strap, and let me finish this up before dinner. And stop being such a silly goose. It’s for SCIENCE.

It can be so irritating, dealing with those experimental subjects who, all right, might not have volunteered, as such, to further the goals of science. Half the time they seem to start out as door to door salesmen and meter readers. But whatever their origins, is it too much to ask that they should just lie there quietly while you attach the electrodes? That’s very delicate work, there. They ought to be a little more appreciative. That’s all I’m saying.

So for all of those times when the world doesn’t seem ready to capitulate to your plans for universal vivisection, or mass miniaturization, or even widespread liquefaction, I submit for your approval this instructive image, on T-Shirts, coffee mugs, posters, and other inspirational materials. Relax: This is for SCIENCE!