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Topic Archive: Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual
The latest from my financial apocalypse: help me save my house at GoFundMe

Filed under Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual, Works in Progress

Help me save my Secret Laboratory

If you’ve been following along, you know that for the past ten years I’ve been trying to deal with the medical bills from my uninsured cancer treatments. Last year I finally crashed, though (so far) I have not burned.

So far.

When I wrote the post about my troubles I was waiting for some more bad news: my homeowners insurance company wanted to have a look at my house to decide whether they’d require me to make some repairs before they renewed my policy.

When that shoe finally dropped, it fell from a pretty great height. They won’t renew my policy unless I replace the house and porch roofs before my renewal date in mid-April.

That turns out to be an expensive operation – in the neighborhood of $11,300. The 100-year-old slate roof has to be removed. The porch roof, which is in very poor condition, needs to be stripped, with its framing repaired, before it’s roofed over.

If I lose the house insurance I’ll be in violation of my mortgage agreement. As soon as that happens, my mortgage lender will foreclose.

My Patreon supporters have helped me reach the point where I’m not facing doom every month. But that’s no help when it comes to an emergency on this scale.

So in a desperate act of desperate desperation I’ve started a project at GoFundMe. Unlike my Kickstarter and Patreon projects, I’m not proposing a deal here: I’m straight out asking for money to deal with something I can’t deal with on my own. I don’t like doing that. It’s just that at this point I have no choice. This is the new me, the panhandler.

The clock is ticking. If I can get past this major hurdle I’m hopeful that my low mortgage payment will continue to keep me going until March of 2020, when I’ll be able to draw on Social Security. But at the moment that month seems very far away.

So that’s my thing. If you’re inclined, and able, to help, I would sure appreciate it. I know it’s a big chunk of money (believe me, I know) but it’s just possible that when a lot of people each chip in a little money, those little bits can add up to a lot.

Please consider helping me to continue my creative work and deal with the financial aftermath of cancer
 
 
The trade paperback edition of ‘Slaves of the Switchboard of Doom’ is coming tomorrow

Filed under Slaves of the Switchboard of Doom, Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual, Works in Progress

Slaves of the Switchboard of Doom

AVAILABLE IN PRINT:
AMAZON | Barnes & Noble | Powell's | IndieBound
EBOOKS AVAILABLE:
AMAZON | Barnes & Noble | Kobo
Amazon & Kobo links are localized

Much to my own surprise – in my capacity as The Guy Who Sees the Sales Numbers – Tor Books will release the trade paperback edition of my Slaves of the Switchboard Of Doom tomorrow. It’s up on Amazon already with a preorder price of $10.99.

They sent me a few copies last week, so I can tell you they’ve done a pretty good job on this less prestigious edition. You (naturally) lose the wraparound dust jacket, and you get just 50% of the endpaper art.

I was curious about how they’d handle that: you seldom see a trade paperback with printing on the inside covers. The way they approached it was to keep the side of each endpaper that features the book title, and although that means some important character vignettes are missing it’s probably as good a solution as any. Those characters are more likely to show up in the other illustrations anyway, I guess.

Still, it’s worth mentioning that the hardcover price is dropping with the new edition’s release. In hardcover the book has lovely, heavy paper, the ends of the cover art, and the complete endpapers. The hardcover would still be my first choice.

Dust jacket art for Slaves of the Switchboard of Doom

But whichever edition you choose, Slaves of the Switchboard Of Doom stands ready to serve all your humorous, retrofuturistic needs.

There’s the eBook version too, of course. I assume its price will drop once the paperback is released tomorrow, but I don’t know by how much, or when. The world is just chock full of things I don’t know. You get used to it.

 
 
The new phone-friendly redesign of Retropolis: the Art of the Future That Never Was

Filed under Print On Demand, Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual, Web Development, Works in Progress

Retropolis: the Art of the Future That Never Was

I’ve spent the last two weeks on two projects: rebuilding part of my front porch (which you probably don’t care about unless you’re knocking on my door), and creating a phone-friendly redesign of my Retropolis web site.

I’m not crazy about the ways that phones have affected web page design – and I really miss my old page layouts – but because I am also not actually crazy I finally caved in to peer pressure and converted the site into something that works well on phones. Mostly.

The big exception is the Business Card Construction Kit. You still need a much wider browser window to do much with that one.

But in every other respect you can now shop quite comfortably even on one of those tiny, ridiculous devices that you all use.

Retropolis: the Art of Retro Future

So go do that, please, while I dart outdoors between the rainstorms and try to get my deck boards nailed down in time for Winter.

As always, you can find the Retropolis Transit Authority T-shirts, along with posters, greeting cards, postcards, business cards, and other things that are not cards. Like, uh, coffee mugs. And books. And other stuff. Go get ’em!

 
 
My brand-new page is now up at Patreon

Filed under Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual, Works in Progress

If you’ve read my last post you know already that I’m in a difficult situation; you won’t be surprised to hear that I’m trying out some creative solutions to my problems. The first of these is a page at Patreon where you can to subscribe to a monthly supply of content.

There are tiers at $1, $5, $10, and $15. The highest-level patrons will get something from me every week, while the $1 patrons will see just one of the updates.

The big benefits of the $15 level are (for the first year or so) print-resolution Celtic knotwork greeting card images. They’ve got transparent areas so that you can add your own images to sit inside the borders’ frames.

Celtic knotwork frames for your pictures

Whenever I run out of those (or when you get tired of them) I’ll come up with something else.

The rest of the content includes unpublished or obscure stories, some illustrated poems by me and by dead people like William Butler Yeats, and some first drafts (which I don’t usually share) with my own notes that explain what’s wrong with them. There are also some less-classifiable things that date all the way back to the 1970’s.

Dust jacket art for Slaves of the Switchboard of Doom

I hope you’ll have a look at the page and consider supporting my work at one level or another. I’ll try to make sure it’s worth your while!

 
 
The tale of woe I never told you

Filed under Can't Stop Thinking, Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual

Rusty does all my talking for me

(I’m not sure how to tell this one briefly, or with much humor. Sorry about that. It’s just not a brief or funny story.)

In my twenty-some years on the World Wide Web I’ve read many, many tales of woe. People reach the end of their rope and appeal for help, and I don’t blame them for that: it’s just that I’m not sure it does any good. Not in the long term, anyway.

There’s probably a brief period when folks chip in whatever they can. But I’m always left wondering what the long term effect is, once you expose your vulnerable underbelly and admit that you just can’t make it on your own. Doesn’t that change the way people think about you? In a bad way, I mean? And, once they’ve helped, don’t they expect you to just be okay now?

This may be testosterone talking. But the result is that even though I have a Tale of Woe I’ve always kept it to myself.

That’s changed today. I can’t afford to care what you think any more.

It all started so well

Which is weird, because he doesn't speak

I left the games business earlier than I planned, back in 2005, because I simply couldn’t face another project. The games business really is a place for the young, and it could be I’d had a bad run of luck; but whatever the cause I was just too burned out to keep going on that treadmill of bizarre decisions and endless crunch time and, in my case, plenty of responsibility without any authority at all.

I had an exit strategy: to find an inexpensive home where I could live and build up my online business and pursue only those projects that no one but me was likely to create. This is a pretty good description of what I thought I was here for, but which I’d found so hard to do while working for other people.

So I bought a fixer-upper of a house and started to fix it up; not quickly, but steadily, since I was building up my business at the same time.

It wasn’t easy. But it worked! By 2008 it seemed like everyone on the web was linking to my Retropolis Transit Authority T-shirts and man, oh man, were they selling, that summer!

The thing I laugh about now is that I remember thinking that pretty soon I’d be able to afford health insurance.

I have a dark sense of humor, you see

Soon after I had that thought, I discovered that I had cancer.

The surprise was that it wasn’t lung cancer. I’d been a smoker for many years. But this was one of the other cancers, one that grows slowly, way down in your guts. You don’t find out about it for a long time.

Apparently you don’t find out about it until you start thinking about health insurance.

I seriously considered foregoing treatment. I really did. Though things were looking up, I couldn’t possibly afford the cost of my care. And I still argue with myself about whether that would have been a better choice.

Anyway, I was talked into treatment by medical professionals. The idea was that if I couldn’t afford it, there would be financial aid for me. And to some extent this was true.

But remember how business was looking up that year? It was, and in addition I had set aside the money for my income taxes. This is a thing that the self-employed do. And so, at the time I became sick, I was not indigent. I just didn’t have enough money to cover the costs of the tests, radiation, surgery, and post-surgical care.

We beat the cancer, which was great. (It’s still gone.) But first the bills wiped me out, and then they kept on coming.

The cost of beating cancer

But he's far more photogenic than I am

Even at this length I can’t describe to you the full horror of what it’s like to deal with the US health care system when you don’t have insurance. That’s a story in itself.

But in the end, late in 2009, I finally had a single medical debt on which I could make monthly payments. And I kept making those payments until just a few months ago.

I’d been wiped out by the just the first few months of bills. Since I was still uninsured, I now had to meet other monthly expenses as a result of my surgery. My income rose and fell, but those costs were consistent, and I always met them. That meant acquiring other debts along the way.

Obviously, I wasn’t fixing up the house any more. (You can tell).

For nine years I’ve been staying ahead of it all with some success. I even wiped out my non-medical debts once or twice.

But during those years my income has also been dwindling. There have been brief reversals, like the Pulp-O-Mizer’s fifteen minutes of fame, or the book advances for Slaves of the Switchboard of Doom. Still the trend has always been down, in a month-to-month,white-knuckled race toward the date when I’d qualify for Social Security.

This year I lost the race.

This is why I’ve been quiet

And he's a very personable, persuasive robot

Some of you noticed that I withdrew from the web once Patently Absurd was published. There was nothing I could say that wasn’t horrible, and of course I was trying one thing after another to turn things around.

It was rude of me to avoid responding to those of you who contacted me. But it seemed like the alternative was worse. I didn’t want to lie, but neither did I want to tell you the truth: so I’ve been saying nothing at all. That’s probably worried some of you, and I’m sorry.

As the year’s progressed I’ve defaulted on one bill after another. I’ve finally reached the twin hurdles of my property tax and my mortgage payment.

It seems certain that I’ll lose the house. I will likely try to sell it; but I don’t think I’d even get my equity back. And as for what I’ll do when I don’t have a house, that’s another difficult question. My mortgage payment is actually lower than any rent I might pay. So, yeah, there’s that.

I have to say… for a guy who’s worked on a hopeful future for the last twenty years I don’t seem to have any hope left for myself.

What does this all mean?

So he makes a pretty goos spokesperson

You can’t fix my problems. I don’t expect you to.

But this is still the best of all possible times for you to buy original art (especially!), merchandise from Retropolis and The Celtic Art Works, or copies of Patently Absurd.

I guess my hope is that if I manage to make it through the next few months, and I sell my house and most everything else, I’ll find some way to scale back and survive for a couple of years longer. The first tier of Social Security may not be much, but it’s a lot more than I have coming in now. That lowest tier is still two long years away.

So… this has been my Tale of Woe. I’m sorry I had to share it with you.

 
 
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Down in the Basement. Where it Strains Against its Chains and Turns a Gigantic Wheel of Pain, for all Eternity. Muahahahahaha.